Fine. I'll sleep in my office
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
