So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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