All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
