he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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