Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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