I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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