we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
