There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
