Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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