It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
