What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
