The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
