I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
