Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
