He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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