put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
