Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize