My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
