For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
