glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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