Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
