she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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