you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
