i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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