separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
