Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize