you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
