This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
