Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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