Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
