dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
