Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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