I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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