he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
