I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
