you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
