but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When did angry sex become our thing?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
