Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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