I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
