Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
