Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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