It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
