Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
