if i can run in heels then i can drive
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
bring money and cleavage
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
