he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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