my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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