I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
