Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
