I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
