In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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