thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
