he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
