girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
