I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize