Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
