Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize