im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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