dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
