That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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