Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
