i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize