I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
