i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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