You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
