i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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