come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
