I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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