i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
