Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
