Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
