I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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