Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
