dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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