My liver just broke up with me...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
