I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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