Everything about him screamed your future.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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