I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
