Cold hands, warm shart.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
